ASK. Depending on where they are in their journey some expastors will seek you out and reveal themselves, expecting to get plugged in right away. (This was me at my first church as an expastor. That pastor agreed to have coffee with me and then spent the next 9 months rescheduling through his secretary. We never did meet, and never had a ministry conversation, nor a conversation of any kind for that matter.) Others will avoid you at every turn, remain mysterious, and pray that no one notices them. It is the reluctant expastor that needs to be drawn out. Periodically, or as the Spirit moves you, publicly ask for any expastors hiding in the pews to identify themselves to you. Invite them to come and meet you. One such small gesture can yield a lifetime of reward.
MEET. Don’t wall yourself off from possible clergy in the pews. Once you’ve I.D.ed them make yourself approachable. Engage them. Talk to them. Take them out for coffee. Go to lunch with them. The ministry is a collegium. We all have something to offer to each other, and all have something we can learn from one another. We are stronger when we draw from shared experiences than we can ever be on our own.
VET. This is what the leaders of the Jerusalem Church, James, Peter, and John, did with Paul. He didn’t come with a recommendation from a trusted preacher friend, or a recognized ordination from an ecclesiastical body; he came with a reputation for killing Christians. But instead of running him out of town, which would’ve been understandable, they vetted him. They tested him for signs of grace (Gal 2:9). And when they perceived the grace that was given to him they gave him the right hands of fellowship and embraced him as their own. When you vet an expastor and he checks out, invite him into ministry fellowship. View him as someone called to labor alongside you in the same vineyard.
SURRENDER. Sometimes we say we want help to equip the church to do the ministry when what we really mean is we want somebody to help US do the ministry. Examine your heart. Are you really ready to surrender some of the spotlight? Being a lead pastor makes you something of a rock star in your congregation. No matter the size, that can be intoxicating if what really motivates you is attention. There’s a good chance that the expastor in the pews is going to be “better” or “more anointed” or “more experienced” at some aspects of ministry than you are. Do you really want the help if it means sharing the headlines like Moses did with Eldad and Medad (Num 11:24-30)? Surrender any insecurities you may have about your place or abilities in ministry and trust God to honor His word with plans to prosper you and not to harm you (Jer 29:11).
LISTEN. An expastors perspective on your church can be as valuable to you as the insights of a secret shopper is to a department store, or the tastes of a food critic are to a restaurant. We are all naturally better at seeing the splinter in our brother’s eye despite the log in our own. The expastor in your pew can offer insider information about how to improve the systems in your church, or how to start some that need to be started.
THANK. If you do connect with an expastor in your pews thank God. It is a form of blessing that will strengthen any church, but only a lead pastor can fully appreciate. And it’s a blessing that will appreciate after it is acknowledged. Two are better than one, because they have a good return on their labor. Another set of objective eyes can be revelatory. What price can you put on insight and revelation? Some revelation comes through more natural channels than we expect. Like Moses, thank God for sending you a Jethro (Ex 18).
Earl Middleton is a family healing evangelist, prophet, and teacher. He specialize in inner healing for individuals who have had difficulty with a parent-child relationship and helps families overcome their dysfunction, heal their damaged relationships, and break through their inner ceilings to greater success by leading them through the Five G.R.A.C.E. Steps. You can find out more about Earl by visiting his website, elijahworkshops.com.
Steve DeWitt
Great read, as I am currently one of yet still ignored, wondering if being ignored has a lot to do with arrogance, I’ve offered my service to anything and all I get is ignored
Earl Middleton
Steve, sorry to hear about your experience. You’re not alone. I pray that you’ll be able to protect your heart to serve despite being ignored. Know that God is always looking at and examining the heart, and in His time He WILL open a door for service. In the meantime, enjoy the break.
Scott Phillips
Thank you for this post (and this site). I have just discovered it last night. I’ve been in this exact situation as an ex-pastor trying to volunteer and being ignored and overlooked. I’ve racked my brain trying to figure it out, you would think a church would like to get free experienced volunteers. I don’t know if it’s ego/pride, sometimes it seems ministry teams are cliques that won’t let anyone in. They’ll let anyone volunteer in kid’s ministry or be a greeter or make coffee but anything else and it’s almost impossible to get plugged in. And forget about raising ideas or suggestions, pastors just see that as a threat to “their” ministry. It puts people like me on the sidelines as someone who just attends and maybe helps in a kids class once a month or something. It’s a shame.
Earl Middleton
Scott, I agree, it IS a shame. I found it helpful to keep in mind that what I can control in the situation is the condition of my heart. I prayed often that God would help me to diligently guard it from bitterness. It took a while, one year to be exact, but I am now about to begin leading a small group in the same church that ignored my offers to help for months. Hang in there.
Steve Simmons
I am one of the few that has come to a church that quickly took me into the fold. They have actually asked me to take on a number of roles (including a future as a pastor of men’s ministries), most of which I have turned down. I get anxious just thinking about serving anywhere outside a small group setting. I’m not sure how long its supposed to take to heal, but after 2 years I am still broken from 13 years of burnout, abuse, public criticism and scandals amongst the pastors I served under.
Earl Middleton
Steve, thanks for the sobering reminder that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. I pray that full and complete healing and restoration take as long as it needs to take for you.