It seems as though churches are uneducated and naive regarding the needs of the pastor’s family. Eighty percent of pastor’s families believe the ministry has negatively affected their families and, equally, 80% of spouses feel left out and under-appreciated by church members. I am confident pastor’s families aren’t asking for much, for the most-part, they’re asking to be appreciated for their sacrifice and their dedication to the church. They’re just looking for friends.
There are countless challenges every pastor wrestles through. Some come out of battle less scarred and more energized while others feel defeated, beat up, and abandoned. If it were not so, we never would’ve created Expastor.com and numerous individuals wouldn’t be emailing us commenting on our articles, or sharing their stories of just how challenging life as a pastor can be. They share their struggles and frustrations and some, about fifty percent, even question whether God had called them into ministry in the first place.
It’s difficult on the person, as many of us can relate, but I’d argue that it’s even more challenging on families and marriages.
When we hire new pastors, often there are committees formed and these committees are made up of other staff pastors, denominational leadership, board members, deacons and elders, or those highly respected or voted in by the congregation. It’s a trend many denominations seem to follow when searching for a new pastor. I’ve sat through several of these meetings myself, both as a search committee member and as a pastor.
They ask candidates to respond to questions such as: What is your fundamental calling as a minister of the gospel? Describe your preaching and leadership style. How did you become a Christ follower? Who are your heroes and why? What are your greatest strengths and biggest weaknesses as a pastor?
Although these are important questions to ask, we are too focused on the candidate, their dynamic speaking style, how well they engage with the congregation, their humor or storytelling, and we’re not focusing as much time on questions geared toward the pastor and his family.
Maybe we should start asking better questions.