This Christmas season is the first time my spouse has not been on staff at a church in over 20 years. It wasn’t until this weekend that I realized our lives are very different this Christmas.
When your husband is on staff at a church, your family is too. I do not say that with resentment at all. I LOVED our time working in the church. L O V E D. We raised our children in the church. That wasn’t their second home, it was also their home. We were very intentional in shaping a healthy view of the church, church responsibilities, dad “working” at church, the fact that we “get to” go to church versus “have to”.
Most people know there are a couple times a year that the church is especially hopping… like, Easter (Pun intended. #Hopping). But the biggest time is definitely Christmas! A lot goes into creating the perfect Christmas experience, and it is usually all hands on deck. Many hands. Many hours.
It wasn’t until we were shopping for our kids last week that it hit me… My spouse is shopping – WITH ME! He actually knows what each gift is under the tree. He picked some of them out!
After 20+ years of unending hours preparing and setting the scene for hundreds to enjoy their Christmas traditions, which is a beautiful thing, we now have our dad back. I’m not saying we never saw him during those years, but seeing him meant that we ran errands with him, helped build stage designs, stuffed envelopes while working alongside him.
All wonderful things, no complaining here. This was our normal and we were grateful for any moment that afforded us time together, especially for the kids who wanted to spend their Christmas breaks with their dad. And believe me, this wasn’t about time-management – There was no time left to manage.
And the guilt of not happily jumping into every church opportunity because that’s what you do because “This is an honor” is frowned upon if you think otherwise. Yes, it is an honor to serve the church. Yes, it is an honor to be a part of such a wonderful time of year. Yes, it is an honor to give families a place to uphold their Christmas traditions with their loved ones.
But it is not honoring to staff, Pastor’s, and volunteers families to expect them to exchange their Christmas season and time with their own families for a t-shirt and pat on the back.
No, we didn’t serve for accolades. That isn’t serving, that’s performing. We know the difference. We served because we loved serving with my husband and because you simply have no other choice. You must work yourselves into the ground. That’s just what the season brings in church life.
I know all the production is fun and important to the church and the teams. But is it really more important than the family time your staff and volunteers will never get back?
We are fortunate that our kids never grew tired or resentful of the high demands they saw put on their father each year.
But I would like to offer a suggestion to church leaders and teams who perpetuate these high demands…
If it is absolutely out of the question to lessen the load then may I suggest you acknowledge the family with more than a coffee cup or sweatshirt with the church logo on it?
While I am sure those gifts are given from the heart, I believe there are greater ways to acknowledge and show gratitude. It may sound petty, but for some this is real. How about a day pass to the local zoo for the entire family? Meals included. Give them a break, a whole day together without worries or demands. What a great way to thank the entire family for giving you their spouse or parent.
Perhaps movie tickets, a mini-shopping spree for the kids, a date-night for the spouses? Give them time together that will fill their tanks back up. Because with the new year comes new demands, they will need to be refreshed and refilled more than anyone.
Let’s remember to thank those that work extra long and hard this season: Mail carriers, your barista, church staff, church volunteers, and anyone else you can think of.
Believe me, a simple thank you will go a long way.
Merry Christmas to you all! And prayers for church staff and their loved ones – hang in there!!