My Experience With Anxiety and How You Can Help Your Pastor

The first time I had an anxiety attack I didn’t know what was happening. It was about ten minutes into my sermon when I glanced down at my notes to remember what the next scripture passage would be. I remember thinking to myself “is that a typo?” and then opening my Bible to double check that the passage in my notes was, in fact, the passage I wanted to go to. All of this was happening internally until I opened my Bible, looked down at the page, and discovered that I couldn’t read.

The open pages of the bible I had preached from for years were filled with squiggling lines that wouldn’t stop moving. My thought process was instantly gone, and I felt my heart rate start to climb. In an instant my chest felt tight, my palms were sweaty, my mouth was dry, and I had an overwhelming sense of fear. In my mind, I kept trying to figure out what to do next while staring at a page with letters that kept dancing around. Outwardly I had it all together, but inside I was screaming for help from anyone who would hear my cry.

Eventually, I felt a nudge to press the next slide button on the little remote in my hand. When I looked up at the projection screen behind me I could see the words of the next scripture passage.

When I listened to the sermon recording later, I found out that I made some joke about missing my place. The whole experience lasted for about 30 seconds until I started back into my sermon, though to me it felt like I had stood there in a frozen panic for 15 minutes. It was as though someone else was speaking for me while I was a bystander to the whole situation. I was on edge for the rest of the sermon but somehow made it through to the benediction.

After meeting the bare minimum for visiting with people in the lobby, I slipped away to my office and closed the door. There were endless questions running through my mind: what just happened? Will it happen again? Where was God through this? Am I going to be able to preach again? Will anyone have heard what I was trying to say? Is everyone in the lobby talking about what a failure that was?

That evening I shared what I had experienced with my wife, and a week or two later I was able to speak to one of my mentors and describe what happened. He was quick to share his wisdom that I shouldn’t assume that it was either just an anxiety attack or just spiritual warfare, but to treat this as a combination of the two, He told me that this wouldn’t go away on its own and that the anxiety attack would come back easier the next time.

And he was right.

My next anxiety attack came about two months later while sitting in my office. I felt the same pressure in my chest, my heart pounding in my head, sweaty palms, a dry mouth, and an overwhelming desire to run away from everything. Despite talking to my wife, mentor, and eventually my board about what I had experienced, the anxiety attack still came in full force. The next one happened while sitting in my office. I forced myself to get up and walk around in the building, trying to quiet my racing mind and focus only on taking long and deep breaths.

A month later I finally sat down with a counselor who had experience working with pastors. For an hour I bared my soul to him, sharing all the frustrations and pain that had been building up inside me leading up to that first anxiety attack. I wept as I sat there and felt for the first time that the way I was feeling made sense. It was like I needed someone to help me understand that what I had experienced was a natural outcome of what had been happening in my life both personally and professionally.

I’ve continued to see that the same counselor on a regular basis, and I’ve been learning how to recognize the warning signs and conditions that push me toward anxiety. There is no doubt in my mind that this is both a spiritual and a physical reality, so I’ve been addressing it in both physical and spiritual methods.

During the following months, I kept asking: God, where were you in the midst of that attack? After asking this same questions for months it became clear to me. God was there in that nudge to go to the next slide. That tiny bump that made me look away from the incomprehensible pages of my Bible and notice the projection remote was the Holy Spirit giving me a way out. God was always with me and even when I couldn’t hear Him, He ministered to me in the simplest way, but exactly what I needed.

I don’t presume to have all the answers-in fact my most recent anxiety attack was less than a month ago-but what I can share is two sets if possible steps forward. The first is for pastors struggling with anxiety, and the second is for how congregations can help their pastor(s).

1. Learn to recognize the warning signs of burnout when it is still a long ways off. For me, one of the biggest indicators is when my emotional response to a situation is out of proportion to how a balanced person would respond. Sometimes this comes out by being irritable or short-fused, but it can also be when I have trouble falling asleep or when my to-do list creeps up above 40 items.

2. Get regular physical exercise, outdoors if possible. This is the one I tend to neglect the most, but even hopping on my bicycle and riding around the neighborhood helps to ground me. Get your heart rate elevated and keep it there for 15 to 20 minutes per day.

3. Do a project that has a physically measurable outcome and results that you will be reminded of. So much of ministry deals with the intangibles; spiritual growth, healed relationships, preaching and administration are all things that cannot be measured easily. So grab your toolbox and change out that light switch that’s been bothering you, oil that squeaky door, or do the yard work you’ve been neglecting. When you finish take a moment to appreciate that God created us with the ability to work and create. Then the next time you use that light switch, go through that door, or walk outside, let the physical accomplishment remind you that God is accomplishing spiritual work even when we can’t see the results.

4. Find out what actually nurtures you spiritually. Note that I didn’t start this list with pray and read your Bible. We have a tendency to use those as band-aid fixes for deeper issues that can only be healed by a deep and lasting nurturing of our souls by God. Prayer and scripture are incredibly valuable, but over the last year, it has been through writing, journaling, and deep conversations with a few trusted friends that God has been nurturing me spiritually in ways that I would not have expected.

5. Don’t try to white-knuckle this by yourself. You need to find a trusted person that you can talk to about what you are experiencing and accept their help. For me, it was a mentor who regularly checked in and a professional counselor that helped me to make sense of what had happened and begin the process of healing.

I cannot claim to have my anxiety issues conquered. Even though I am taking steps forward and the anxiety attacks are fewer and further apart, I will likely deal with this in one form or another for the rest of my life. I am not hopeless, instead, I’m choosing to remind myself that God is still close. He is building his kingdom, and he is not hindered by my anxiety. He is still speaking to me regularly and calling me to pastor the flock that belongs to him; even when I am in the midst of darkness.

Now I want to take a moment and speak to people who are not pastors about what can be done to support pastors who are struggling with anxiety.

1. If you’re part of a church and you suspect that your pastor has written this article; do not send him/her this article with the question “Did you write this?” Your pastor may very well be struggling with anxiety, but they may not be ready to share or admit that to a congregant. Don’t force them to say no when their true answer might be yes.

2. Take a hard look at yourself and the congregation you are part of. Ask yourself “When was the last time I gossiped or I heard someone else gossip in our church?” or “When was the last time I criticized the church or heard someone else speak negatively about our church?” Make a conscious choice to recognize and lovingly correct people who speak negatively about the church and your pastor.

3. Make a regular effort to pray for and encourage your pastor. Most pastors I know feel awkward about receiving a compliment, so send them a card that says you’ve been praying for them and thank them for something they’ve done recently. Remember that a specific thank you has a larger impact than a generalized thank you.

4. Get to know your pastor and learn what helps them to rest and recharge. Are you heading out to the beach, going on a day trip somewhere, or taking your kids out to the park? Then invite your pastor and their family to go with you, but remember to treat them as a friend and not your pastor during this time. Don’t bring up the annual meeting or what you wish was different in the youth ministry. instead, focus on enjoying the activity and creating a positive shared memory together. If a quiet night in helps your pastor to find rest, then try dropping off a meal so they don’t have to cook that night. Maybe you have a cabin or a vacation property and could let your pastor use it for a vacation or a prayer retreat.

5. Actively engage with your pastor’s ministry of shepherding and discipling in the church. When you chat with your pastor after the service or later in the week don’t just say “that was a good sermon” instead say “The part where you talked about _______ really challenged me. I’m going to try doing _________ differently now.” When you pick up your teen from youth group, don’t say “Thanks for the night off.” Instead, tell the youth pastor about the times you’ve talked with your teen about the youth group topic. Show your pastors that their ministry is making a tangible impact on your life.

Anxiety is not something that just goes away on its own. It’s not a sign of a weak relationship with God, and it is not something that means a person’s ministry effectiveness is gone. Anxiety creates another opportunity for Christ to be at work in a person’s life and draw them closer to him.