I imagine the way those words must have rung in John’s ears—hollow and disappointing. I imagine John’s expectations of who Jesus was and his own special place in the heart of the Lord evaporating instantaneously. I imagine the sinking feeling—I know the Messiah, and I have done the Lord’s work, but he will not rescue me.
As with the Psalms, as with the disappointments of Paul, as with Jeremiah and Job and Mother Teresa’s despair, I suddenly felt that I was in John’s shoes, and hearing that these great believers had felt alone and rejected gave me a small bit of peace. My whole life, I’d thought I had an inside track to Jesus, and that my prayers and life were special to God. I believed that if I did the right thing here on earth and obeyed, when it came my hour of need, all my faith and all the work I had done in the name of God would translate into some sort of heavenly brow.
I had a complete “breakdown” of my faith and felt disillusioned by all that I had taught and believed for most of my life. I can only tell you from my own experience after that realization, revelation, and epiphany whatever happened to me seemed so devastating that it was probably the best thing that could have ever transpired in me. I had a “faith” that was way too “black and white”– too full of certainty, I felt like God would work a certain way for me, much like John the Baptist. I was experiencing a “drifting” from my belief system and somehow knew intuitively everything would be different for me in my faith pilgrimage. “Ships are safest in the harbor but they were designed for the sea,” I like this statement because it was the reality of my life. I wanted to feel safe in my faith, but as the saying goes, “you can spell faith, r.i.s.k.”
Jesus didn’t give a whole lot of answers to the suffering individual’s encounter in this life, but he did seem to say trust the path. When he prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane, “never the less not my will be done but yours,” he didn’t understand but trusted that God was working in his life. God is working in your life as well, don’t jump to any conclusions, keep asking the questions, live in the tension of faith, trusting without having the answers.
I have a faith today that is much more flexible, I’m happier and have lost the need to convince anyone that I have the answers. My hope and prayer for everyone is that they will discover their faith. When people ask me to sign my book, I always sign it this way, “May faith be YOURS.” That is my hope and prayer for you. May you find a faith that is pragmatic and works for you.
Tony Bolen
Well said Brother!
Andrew
John, the problem you had was you believed… Jesus did not. In John the Baptists death you find a truth that Jesus never existed if only you could read the narrative without judging, or judging harshly. The message of Christ is first that all human life is sacred. For this to be a truth within you, you must see your own life as not so sacred (hence Jesus death). In groups, people build church structures to exalt their group, and thus reject Christ and deny Jesus. Organizations have meetings and study groups, etc. all acting in a manner than rejects the simpliest message of Creation – for 6 days you traveled up a fallopian tube and on the 7th day you rested…. creation was a story about you, me, and every person on this planet. Remember the “Sabbath day” and keep it holy – remember the day your life began – not any particular day of the week….
Jesus message was black and white for a reason – it could be no other way.
shada
what. about. when your. leader an church bring. such a hurt on. you that it’s seems so. unbelievable but like. aways God said the answer. to. this great hurt is to simply forgive them. an return again to.your church. because this. is where I. started the work in you.
know